from DECADES OF CONFUSION FEED THE INSECT # 32, September 2002 A.D.

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You sent out a flickering lamp to be recieved.

Draped in wrapping paper, floating to my side of the sea.

The wasted ink, the tired timing, the way I cease to feel when I begin to breathe and believe.

Enraptured with a picture projected to deceive - your selves with crayon frowns of fear came sailing back to you.

In a self reflecting mirror house that only sees your tears. The cards and letters go blank with the passing of the years.

We tie the wires up to mimic the machinery of truth. But the long-dead are ever quiet and almost out of our reach.

It was when the shortwave hummed to life that these souls washed over us wavelike. And it was like sinking into honey made out of electricity.

I hold out particle wave hands: I don't feel emotion, eternal raging sun, the equinox of technology, the rising voice of a more real reality.

I am stabbed and filled with so much sanity that I begin to vomit my brain. For the operation of a more universal universe, I twist copper wire around my finger until it bleeds.

I will see and speak to the violet aether ray, a chimed sideview of these words, and the things that words tell you to do.

Vibrating cerebal orb of one lonely planet spreading the call.

The work is not over in any way.

Many on the planet Earth get lost and pound the ground with their fists, hoping that if they place enough fist-marks they will eventually knock on the right door.

Many are buried alive where they stood.

Orgiastic non-words are spoken to invoke the end of time.

But still, even this is not enough.

Even the eyeless, toungless, earless, skinless mud-worm will know all.

And still, it is not enough.

Only until the hands are clasped to the edges of every star within your skull. Only until the souls all pass through on another like thread through a needle -- and signal the light-lamp of the unseeable shore. Only then, and never before.

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The expansiveness of the surroundings caused the enclosures of the minds contained within the space to tighten. It was their way of defining the space they were occupying. The occupied space, being unimpressed by the pulling vortexes the minds shot through it, continued to expand as if nothing was happening. And the minds, in turn, became fearful of their own pull, but could not stop DRAINING AWAY.....

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A DREAM: DATED MAY 26, 2005 A.D., upon the turning Earth planet.

SO, Thursday night I had a startling, vivid and sometimes lucid dream. For your enrichment and edification, here goes: I am walking through corridors of buildings in a city I don't recognize. It could be New York, where I had this dream, but it is not. It is bigger, even more vast than New York. Also, the time period seems to be like a cross between current times and the mid 1920s, or at least a representation of what I have seen of the 1920s in photographs.

I am in somewhat of a hurry, because I have an appointment to make with some people, but I am not sure who they are, or where I am supposed to meet them. But I feel I am on the right path, and also that I am a little late. On the way there, I stop to buy a loaf of bread. The vendor gives me a small, hard loaf. How much, I ask. Five dollars he says. Five dollars??? For this little crust???....... (he says) ---> where you're going you'll be needing it. I laugh at the audacity of a cryptic bread salesman, and give him the $5. I take a bite of this bread, and it is sour and hard. I throw it carelessly into a ditch.

Finally, I arrive at my destination. It is a very tall apartment building, somewhat like the Drake tower building in Philadelphia, which also has a sister building in New York, I think. I open the front door, which is a huge pig-iron sheet onlayed with designs, and walk into the lobby. There is no one around, but it is not lonely or creepy. There are street sounds, and the echoes of elevators and people in the building, or rats or pipes. I walk over to the elevator bank, and press a number. I suppose I was given instructions earlier as to which floor to go to, I am not sure. The elevator goes up, a creaking old dusty elevator, very old fashioned, and in a state of disrepair. I arrive on a floor.

The hallway is very long, in fact it seems impossibly long, considering how the building looked from the outside. I walk to an apartment door, and knock. Some time goes by, and I start to think I must have come to the wrong place, when finally the door opens, fully and wide. A woman I have never met before is at the door. She is wearing an antiquated black dress with white trim -- in fact everything seems either very old fashioned or simply timeless here. There are modern devices, but they seem almost ancient somehow, and out of date technologies that seem to be from the same time period. This woman is tall, and she has short black hair to match her dress. There is another woman, almost identical, different in the structure of her face and hands only. I noticed that the woman who opened the door had almost skeletal hands, with animated fingers, while this other woman had thick hands, and folded them over lazily, as if they were rarely used.

In their company was a man with very short, almost shave bright red hair. His eyes were piercing and deadly, and followed me around the room, scowling. He seemed very sinister, almost like a body guard. The woman who opened the door says: you know why you are here... and at this point the dream becomes somewhat lucid, because I think "yes, because I have to retrieve something from a dream" As if in reaction to this thought, the read haired man delicatley unzips his gray pants, and fondles out his penis, which is paper white and, at this point, still flaccid. The second woman, the one who was already in the apartment, begins an attempt to sexually arouse me. But I am suspicious of the scenario.

As the red haired man involves himself in animated masturbation and this woman tries to encourage me to sit next to him and forget why I came her, I can only grow still more paranoid. Their invitation to join in this orgy seems like such an obvious set up, like in a spy movie. The song "secret agent man" comes to mind... "you let the wrong word slip, by kissing persuasive lips" and I am now certain that these people are informants of some sort. But I don't even know why I am here.

I begin to feel an intense and burning rage build up inside of me, because I feel violated that they are trying to use sex to ply secrets from me. But cautiously, and in a calculated way I play along. I sit on the bed, and start to masturbate the male spy and to kiss the female spy. All the while I feel more and more angry and nauseated, but resolved to trick them and get an answer of my own.

Finally, it happens -- they make the slip. Woman #1, from the door, reaches in the pocket of my jacket, which is draped on a chair several feet away. I explode in anger. I pick up the near chair and hurl it at her head with all my force, intending to knock her brains out of her head. She ducks the chair with elegant grace, and the window suffers a long sweeping split, as the chair cracks into kindling. The male spy, looking silly but menacing with his penis still exposed, begins to stand and act menacing. ' I am the most powerful occult force in this dimension" and he begins to try to curse me using ritual -- but he is afforded no time. In my semi-lucid dream state, I collapse the whole room into "grain", and crawl out of as if it is made out of mud. From behind me I hear the males voice chime up "we are literally shit, and that is why you will never outrun us"! I yell out O shut up, I can vaporize you with a simple thought, you ridiculous pigs!

I slam the door, and I can hear then on the other side, confused at my sudden mystical disappearance. I jump into the elevator and leave. In the lobby, I notice there are drawers fitted into the walls. Why? I open one -- it is all the keys to the apartment! I laugh, and I grab the drawer full of keys, and am out the door. I feel gleeful and smart for escaping, and for stealing all the keys. Something to remember me by.

I get onto an elevated train. A man sits next to me. This time, it's a friend. So ya' got all them kees, thin yer' pretty and pretty smart. but do you know what to do with them? No, I'm going to throw them into the river and curse that coven of craven spies that tried to steal my real life ID cards in a dream! No. all wrong, he says. You know, you have to go back. And unlock every door. Because they have everyone trapped in there -- some haven't seen sun in years. Come on, you have to go back. I don't want to, but I am drawn to the idea of doing rurther damage to their operation, which I feel is somewhat like child-pornography, but with no children. Instead, they rape peoples minds and scan the contents, and sell that as a form of pornography. So I decide to return.

<------------------Chapter II of my dream -- the Vivian-Vovian sisters and their sunshine-plan------------------------------> In real life, me and Enid Crow started a band called the Vivian girls, named after the artist Henry Dargers characters. There are seven of the Vivian sisters in his story, but only two members in our band. That's juat a little background for the rest of the dream.

+++ SO. +++

I return to the apartment. All the keys are stuffed into my pockets. Heavy, dense, pulling my jacket down. There are two females in the lobby this time. The are sisters. They are wearing identical dresses, but one is green, and one is white with green trim. They are in their fifties in age, but somehow they seem very young, maybe 13, in presence and spirit.

One of them is crying big long tears. She looks afraid and from her eyes one can deduce she has been crying for a long while. Her sister is very cheerful. She brightly strokes her sisters face and shoulder and says, in a church-bell morning bright voice "Hey Vovian, don't frown"! And Vovian says "Vivian, they will punish me. I don't want to return, not ever ever"! I ask what the story is Vovian (the crying sister) explains: They make us be in pageants! And they make me drink tomato juice, which I am horribly allergic to. And I get sick. and I puke on the floor and they make me keep being in the pageant, except they throw ashtrays at me and pull my clothes off. They say look she is so weak, she has puked again, and I have to keep saying the lines in the pageant. And her sister says I have a sunshine plan, and we can spoil their whole game with happiness. Because sadness is what they want to capture, if we control ourselves, we can destroy them from within. Vovians sunshine plan is accentuated by her hat, which she then cocks to the side like a joyful musical.

My resentment of the spies increases after seeing what they are up to, and I am sure there are hundreds of others like Vivian and Vovian who are being tortured for dream-cinema.

I tell them to be cautious, and I fill their pockets with several handfuls of keys. Now you can escape. But NO! says Vivian! We will stay here, and enact the sunshine plan, while you free everyone, then we will escape with you! OK -- wish me luck.

I return to the dreaded apartment. The first key I try works. This time, there is just the red headed man. But then I notice he is not alone. There is a naked woman, an amputee from the waist down. She moves on a plank with wheels. She is in ecstasy -- I don't know if it is sexual, emotional, or some other kind, but she cries out in happiness each time she takes a move across the floor. The man is steaming mad.

I realize the two women are already dead -- killed by my lucid dream attack. Their empty skins are hanging from a coat rack like seal pelts. But this time, he has had time to prepare. He unleashes a magickal attack -- but my dream becomes more lucid than ever, and I simply summon the Vivian-Vovian sisters into the room. His cold glazed eyes simply cease. A jubilant shriek is heard from every room, thousands!!! BOTH the Vivian-Vovian sisters are smiling, operation secret-lucid-dreamer-sunshine-plan a success. +++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

More happened, but I can't remember. But that was a weird dream, for sure. I hope some of you may have enjoyed reading it.